Have You "Met" Anyone Lately?

So obviously I haven't posted in awhile, and I'll be honest, I haven't been busy. I've just been perpetually lazy. However, I just saw something on T.V., and nobody is awake. So, I have to get it in writing (no matter how random and unnecessary it is) or else it may be lost forever.

I've noticed a trend in late night television over the past couple of months. If you stay up late enough, you are bound to see commercials for phone dating services (which is dinner-table speak for "phone sex"). These commercials aren't new, but what are new are the advertisements for gay male phone dating services. Tonight, I just saw one such commercial, but this particular company promoted men meeting men over the phone and then meeting them in person. All the while, there is no reference to men meeting men for intimate relationship purposes. It simply stresses that men can meet other men. With all these vague references to people "meeting" each other it was a little like listening to a southern Baptist try to teach sexual education: the only people who benefit from the description are people who already know what the speaker is hinting at. So I'm sitting here thinking, 'If they spend all this time meeting, when do these guys find time to fuck each other?'

But that wasn't what really amused me about the commercial. Later in the ad, they show several simulations of dudes meetings each other in person, for those viewers who might not know what this looks like. Even though anyone with half a fucking brain cell knows that this phone service is for gay guys, they continue to ambiguously skirt the issue. For example, one of the simulated "meetings" shows this big black dude in a wife-beater undershirt opening a door to a dude standing there, and they have this really bizarre, friend-like greeting as if the guy opening the door is like "Hey, it's Steve! Did you bring the nachos? Awesome, the game's about to start..." In another interaction, two dudes are talking to each other and one of the guys gives the other guy a couple of overly heterosexual pats on the shoulder. Look, I think we all know that anyone using this phone service is looking for a fuck buddy - not a drinking buddy. Although, that would be pretty hilarious if two straight dudes became friends through one of these things:

-"Man, you and Ted are such great friends. Have you known each other since you were kids?"
-"Actually, one night a long time ago I was bored and alone in my apartment, and this commercial comes on saying that if I call this number I could meet hundreds of dudes just like me. So I dialed the number, and here we are. It's been three whole months yet we're still best friends."
-"So, wait, you guys had phone sex?..."

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I stay up way too late. The other moral is that I don't update my blog often enough. But on a side note, I shaved my beard into a mustache, and I captured the evolution of my facial hair through the magic of photography. So, ask me about it sometime, and I'll show you the pictures. Also, I think it might be a law of nature that a mustache on any non-pornstar male under the age of 40 is certain to look really really gay. In fact, the only reason it doesn't look gay on a male pornstar is because while he is wearing it he literally has his penis in a woman's vagina (and as soon as he pulls out, you start to have doubts about his sexuality). I better do something about this mustache before I am asked to appear in a commercial for a male "meeting" phone service...