Foux du Fafa

Phil here, back again; check it to wreck it, let’s begin:

Here are my gracious hosts in Paris, Christina and Emmanuel. They’re really good people:

And here is their (I think 14-month-old) baby, Owen:


Christina helped me map out my plan of attack to see all the sights of Paris:

Also, this was where I was staying:



A family that is friends and neighbors with Christina and Emmanuel was on vacation and said that I could stay in their apartment. I had my very own flat in Montrouge. How ridiculous is that? The irony of course is that with such a generous offer, I would never do anything like invite people over, out of fear that I would screw up their place.

Before we get into the pictures of Paris, let me first apologize for the fact that these might end up being the same god-damned pictures of Paris that you have to suffer through every time a friend of yours goes there. I would like to think that my unique brand of witty commentary makes it somewhat better.

This warning sticker is on a majority of Paris’ trains:

If you can’t tell, the image is a thing with a human body and a bunny head getting his hand stuck in the door. I don’t take my safety advice from mutants.

First stop – Trocadero (at least, that’s the name of the metro stop). This is a pretty cool view to have as soon as you step off the metro:

Apparently, what used to be the Palais du Trocadero on this site is now the Palais de Chaillot. Anyways, the architecture is pretty sweet, I think:




This statue is called “Hey Guys, I’m Bringing Back the Side Ponytail; What Do You Think?” The French have a word for it:

This was one of the best views I’ve ever seen in my life, and it got me pumped to do some sightseeing:

Ol’ Iron Sides:

When you stand at the base, it really makes you wonder, ‘What was the point of this thing again?’

Here’s the line to take the tour of the Eiffel Tower:

There’s a reason you can’t see the end of the line. Screw that.

This kind of reminded me of the Sunken Gardens at William & Mary, only much French-er:

Looks like a great place to bang out a crunchy groove with your drum circle, if you ask me.

These small horses and donkeys appeared to be having some sort of conference:

Seriously, I’m not sure what was going on here because there wasn’t anyone nearby that appeared to be orchestrating rides on the animals.

Some sort of monument (the thing in the foreground, not the Eiffel Tower, just to clarify):

This is École Militaire, a French military school (or should I say, a "Freedom" military school, am I right?):

Seems like an awfully ornate building just to teach people how to say “I surrender” in different languages. BAM, NAILED ‘EM! I’m the one-millionth person to make a French surrender joke! Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week.

This is Les Invalides. It’s a bunch of things – military museum, church, former hospital, and the burial place of many French war heroes, including Napoleon:


Just to let you know for the rest of the pictures; I’m not going to put a caption if all I know about a particular item is exactly what you can see for yourself. For example, “Here’s a statue of a guy holding his own head:”


This is where I would go in to see Napoleon’s tomb… if I had bought a ticket:

But you can actually see a surprising amount of stuff just walking around without buying a ticket:



Captain Short Stack himself:

This was a church at Les Invalides:

You gotta hand it to the French – Diddy’s got nothing on them when it comes to extravagance:

Here’s Jesus frozen in carbonite:

Looking out of the northern exit of Les Invalides:

Apparently, I wasn’t done taking pictures of Les Invalides:

Your run-of-the-mill Arc de Triomphe shot:

Storming the Arc:


I’m guessing this is the Flame de Triomphe:

No elevator in the Arc de Triomphe. More like the Arc de FAIL, if you ask me:

Looking east along the Champs-Élysées, toward the Louvre:


Looking west along the Champs-Élysées:

Apparently, there is a law in Paris that buildings can’t be taller than a certain height (I think it’s the Eiffel Tower). So, that “downtown” area in the distance is actually outside the city limits, and there isn’t anything to do there – it’s just businesses. I just cracked an egg of knowledge on you all.


Here’s some stuff:


Les Invalides rears its golden head again:

Ok, at this point in my sightseeing experience I had a run-in with the French secret service. Emmanuel had pointed out where President Nicholas Sarkozy’s house was on the map, but it’s not actually demarcated when you’re there. So, I figured out which one it was and took a picture of the side of it. A guy in uniform came up to me and made me delete the picture from my camera. He wasn’t rude about it or anything, and in a way I can’t blame him for being suspicious: here’s a thickly bearded guy who bears a striking resemblance to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad taking a picture of the side of a building that happens to be the home of the president of France. Anyways, President Sarkozy’s Chamber of Secrets is partially behind the trees on the left in this picture:

Here are some pictures of the Obelisk and the surrounding area. The bleachers that you see were being set up for the finale of the Tour de France:




You can really see how American architecture influenced the French:

Wait, America is older than France, right?

I entitled this piece of art “The Rusty Vagina”:

Yeah, I’m a classy guy.

But this couldn’t have been an accident:

The Louvre in the distance:




Here’s the Mona Lisa:

There wasn’t that big of a crowd around it. I really think they should get some more security to protect that thing.

Alright alright, so I didn’t go into the Louvre. Shit, I gotta leave some stuff to do when I go back, right?

Here are some random pictures as I walked along the Seine. My legs were definitely struggling at this point:



This is the Hôtel de Ville:


It’s actually City Hall. The Hôtel de Ville is neither a hotel, nor a… de Ville. Discuss.

In front of City Hall, there was a miniature golf thing:

Apparently, it’s part of a beach-themed celebration in Paris. They also put sand and beach umbrellas on the road that runs along the Seine. Unfortunately, since I was made aware of this celebration, I’m unable to show this picture and go “How random is this bull shit?!” and take the French down a peg or two.

To my fellow law school nerds, here’s a fancy Parisian courthouse!

It’s called the Palais de Justice (a modest title), and it holds a number of courts.

I took a ton of Notre Dame pictures. It’s hard not to when you see it:











Listen up, Catholics – for only 2 euros, you can light your very own Jesus tea candle!

But what’s 3 more euros? For a mere 5 euros, you can light a Jesus jar candle! Be better than the tea candle people! We all know Jesus prefers fire safety, anyway:

Actually, I shouldn’t be a douche – for all I know the money goes to charity. It’s just so fun to ridicule organized religion.

Apparently, Notre Dame has a Crime Scene Investigation unit:

Here are the gargoyles that were inspired by the box office success of Disney’s “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”:






This bell apparently required 16 people to operate back in the day. Kind of ridiculous:

And so this was my last view of Paris – from the very top of the South tower of Notre Dame, looking down the Seine:

I really enjoyed Paris a lot more than I thought I would. The weekend started with a couple of ‘dumb American’ moments. Namely, when leaving the airport I got on the correct train, but bought the wrong ticket. Additionally, the train doors don’t open automatically, so when I reached my stop I was just standing in front of a closed door like a moron until an understandably frustrated gentleman pushed past me to open the door. However, by the end of the weekend I felt that I had done the best job I could immersing myself: I gave up my seat on the metro for two lovely ladies, AND I ate a chocolate crepe as I walked along the Champs-Élysées – it don’t get much more French than that, do it?