Law [School] and Order

Hey three people who will read this. Sorry for not posting anything in a year or so. Anyone who reads this knows what I've been doing, but for the sake of continuity, I'll recap: I moved to Fairfax, where I pretend that I live in Washington, D.C.; I got a job working as a paralegal in a small law firm - my boss was/is a lunatic; I got into George Washington University Law School; I bought a pipe and some tobacco, but I can't figure out how to smoke it. That pretty much covers everything.

Well, I'm two weeks in, and law school is already pretty intense. Luckily, it's the workload and not the people. Most of the people whom I have met are nice and usually commiserate about having difficulty with the information. So far, I'd have to say that my favorite subject is blah blah blah, which I like much more than [snore]. Let's face it: none of you really care what classes I'm in or what they're about. You just want to hear interesting and/or funny stories about law school. As of now, I've got nothing; other than the fact that my Criminal Law professor talks like a nerdy Bill Cosby. So, instead of forcing it, I'll just talk about whatever anecdotes pop into my head while I'm typing:

*I hate people who will get a bubble in their throat but don't have the decency to swallow and clear that shit out. They just keep right on talking like everything is fine. Honestly, as soon as that happens, they could be reading from "Mein Kampf", and I wouldn't notice. I become fixated on the fact that they sound like Kermit the Frog. And then I try to swallow for them, hoping that either (1) I can somehow projectile swallow and clear the bubble out myself or (2) they notice me swallowing and either consciously or subconsciously solve the problem. Look, if a bird pooped on your face, you wouldn't just continue on with your day like nothing happened. You'd think 'My, I look ridiculous with bird poop on my face,' and you'd clean it off. Alright, I've sufficiently beaten this dead horse.

*To save money on my daily commute, I've been riding the bus to the metro (I then take the metro to a jet-ski; the jet-ski to a camel; and finally, the camel to a dirigible). Needless to say, I get to witness some fun characters on the bus. The other day, this woman got on the bus, and I don't want to call her overweight because that would be doing a disservice to overweight people. 'Overweight' is a polite term that doesn't quite convey the fact that this woman was large. And I don't care if you're fat; it's your body. However, this woman was wearing skin-tight, black spandex pants. And her ass crack was saying "Come here, spandex pants; I'm going to eat you up!" It looked like she had been wading waist-deep through the La Brea Tar Pits; spread-cheeked.

I'm going to try to update my blog more often. In fact, I'm hoping that it will serve as some sort of therapy and analysis, or anal-rapy for you "Arrested Development" fans, to maintain my sanity in my first year of law school. I'm guessing that most of the entries will end up like this one - making myself feel better by belittling others. And you know what? It feels like it's working.