Me Love You Long Time

I was on Facebook checking my Scrabulous situation when I was caught off guard by a very odd advertisement, as you can see below:


That's right; SaigonDarlings.com. And this ad wasn't tiny and off to the side - it was the same size as above and uncomfortably invading my Scrabulous space. I'm not sure if Facebook's ads work like Google's ads where they correspond to something you searched for or something that was stated in an email (except when the ad is completely out of left field, like when you get an email that says "What are you up to this weekend?" and next to it is an ad that says "50% Off All Dog Yoga Equipment"). If that's the case, then apparently I have something in my profile (maybe it's my listing of "indonesion gamelon" under my favorite types of music) or my composition of friends is such that a computer somewhere went, 'Hmm, this guy would love to meet some Vietnamese women online.' On the other hand, maybe the ad doesn't correspond to anything, and Scrabulous just got a creepy back-alley sort of feel to it.

Needless to say, I checked the site out (don't judge me; you know you were going to do it too as soon as you finished reading this). First of all, you are greeted with a large picture of a Vietnamese girl playing a mandolin. So, clearly this website is the real deal - no phony, non-mandolin-playing, impostor Vietnamese women around these parts.

Right off the bat, I'm thinking this site is just not for me, primarily because it says, "Are you feeling lonely for over a decade?" Apparently, you have to be single for at least ten years to participate in the Saigon Darlings program. I'm not sure why I was surprised to find that the website was written and/or edited by someone who speaks English as a second language, as evidenced by phrases such as "The chances of meeting the love of your life through Vietnam Dating in Saigon Darlings are big!" Big chances, you say? I like those odds! I also enjoyed this comment: "Do not miss this opportunity to experience Vietnamese Dating with not just attractive Viet girls but also good-natured one." Yes, I'm sure the guys who are going to this site are thinking, "I'm tired of all these attractive Vietnamese girls with sour dispositions... ah, says here these women are good-natured. I wonder if they are genial and affable as well..."

But I don't mean to simply poke fun at someone's struggle with English; in fact, I feel kind of badly because sometimes their struggle ends up conveying a message that I'm sure they didn't intend. For example: "Once a member, you will be given access to use the features and services of the site. You will never know that the ideal person you are seeking is here at Saigon Darlings." Wait, are they saying that despite joining the site, I still won't find the person for me? Seems somewhat contrary to the business model. Another example: "If you worry about the differences of your culture when it comes to dating, it is not a barrier to have a happy relationship since most of the Vietnamese girls already accepted the thoughts about dating online." 'Most' of the girls have accepted the thought of online dating? Are some of them being registered on this site against their will? Maybe I've just uncovered the seedy underbelly of online dating - a world in which women are forced, against their will, to... make an online profile and wait for emails.

Of course, when I hear the term 'Vietnamese Dating,' I think of two Vietnamese people going out for a night on the town. However, shocking as it may be, this website seems to be chock-full of creepy, old non-Vietnamese guys. Go figure. Take this guy for example...

...he seems nice enough; got a pretty sweet apartment; looks like he's got some granite counter tops in there and OH MY GOD HE'S NOT WEARING PANTS. I would feel badly about simply making fun of people on dating websites, but this guy asked for it. He looks like Willard Scott and the Oklahoma City bomber, Terry Nichols, had a baby (and then deprived that baby of pants for the rest of its natural life). Please, God, tell me that his camera has a timer - otherwise, try to wrap your mind around the concept that somebody actually took this picture ("Let's take the picture right here" - "Sounds good" - "What if I lean on the granite counter top?" - "I like it" - "Ok, pants on or off?" - "Hmmm... let's go with off for now and we'll see how it turns out").

And then there's this guy...


...who has apparently been kidnapped and tied up in his college graduation robe. His profile says he has a Bachelor's Degree in Economics, in case you were wondering.

This next pose is what I like to call "Frightened in a Photobooth," and the chicks absolutely love it...


...His self description reads "attentive, comprehensible, modest for friend, love." You might think his English is bad, but then he throws you that curveball of "comprehensible" which is both a big word AND it means that he is able to be comprehended. Also, I think the next time I get asked the question 'How would you describe yourself?', I'm going to respond 'Love.'

I should probably end this post now. The truth is that I could talk all day about the creepy P.E. teacher...


...the Saudi Arabian guy who used a picture of a picture inside a frame for his profile...


...or whatever this guy is supposed to be...


...but at some point, it loses its value, and I just feel like an asshole.

Anyways, you get the point - the website is weird, and now I'll never be able to look at Scrabulous the same way.

Man, with my first year of law school over, it sure does feel good to have this space in my brain to think about stupid shit like this!